Thoughts on Success

Last week, my WeightWatchers leader approached me saying that we were beginning a new unit in our meetings.  The topic for the next month was going to be about Success.  All of the WW's meetings were asking various members to speak on this topic about their own personal success with WeightWatchers and she asked if I would speak at our meeting.  I questioned this.  Surely he had me confused with someone else.  I have been anything but successful with my following plan.  I told her so.   "Why me?  I'm not a success.  I've been here since February, and I've only lost 15 pounds.  I've been up and down for months.  Why not choose someone who is actually successful?"   "But you are successful.  Because you keep working at it.  You keep trying.  You keep coming back."  She handed me a sheet with 4 questions on it and asked me to write down my answers and present them at this past Wednesday's meeting.

I thought about success all week.  I was on the Avon Walk.  I felt that was a success.  I mean how many of my friends can walk 39.3 miles in 2 days?  I thought about the fact that I was walking with my brother, and my sister-in-law by my side...and my sister and my husband were working on crew.  I had success in my family because we all loved one another.  We have close relationships.  I thought of my past history with breast and colon cancer....I was walking and I am healthy.  I'm successful in that way.  So all was good.  

Last Wednesday, I went to my WW meeting ready to speak.  I had answered my questions and was ready.  But at weigh in, I got on the scale and my weight was up 1.8 pounds.  Really???  I mean after walking over 40 miles this past weekend.  After all the training.  I was even careful not to eat too much junk always asking myself through the weekend, "Is it worth it?"  Not only that, but I hadn't been feeling well since Saturday evening and had only eaten a little soup and crackers for the past several days.  And a weight gain???  And then to add salt to the wound, my friend who started the same week as I did back in February, hit her 40 pounds lost...and I just felt so low and defeated.  I have worked so hard to track my food, drink my water, stay active, eat healthy.  And now I'm supposed to get up and speak about success?

So our leader gets up and introduces the new topic.  And she invited me up to speak.  I wanted to share with you my thoughts on Success:

1.  How did you feel before you joined WW?  I had lost a lot of weight in the past.  I used to weigh 60 pounds more than I do now.  But I have been 20 pounds less than I am now as well.   Being that I have always been an emotional eater, when my daughter got married last year, and then after that, dealing with my empty nest, my weight started coming back on.   I was feeling really out of control.  I thought that I had to do something.  And that "something" always ends up being WW because the plan is a lifestyle change.  It's healthy, and it fits in well with my life.  So I re-joined...again...with my friend.

2.  What helped you believe you could succeed?  Believing in success in one thing.  Believing in fighting for what I want is another.   I am a fighter.  I am a 3 X cancer survivor.  I'm all about determination and believing.  This past weekend I walked 39.3 miles in the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer in Santa Barbara.  Training for that walk was all about giving up Saturdays for 12-15 mile walks.  And I made it all 39 miles.  But despite all the training, despite the 39 miles, the scale is not moving.  I have been plateauing for over 4 months.  And it's very difficult to sit here week after week and hear about all your successes when I'm working so hard for mine...and nothing's happening.  (At this point, I lost it and started crying...so embarassing...but it was just all coming out.  I went on.) So when Sandy asked me to speak today about my success, I asked her, "What success?  I'm not a success."  (Then I really start blubbering...and my nose is running...I feel stupid.  I'm standing up there, and I'm looking at my paper.  And I keep reading ). But there are other sucesses that are important too.  And I guess that's what it's about.  I'm like the Little Engine That Could.  I keep saying, "I think I can, I think I can."  It's not easy.  I have a lot of stresses in my life.  Dealing with cancer, follow ups and check ups, family, taking care of my mom, running a homeless outreach, trying to build my own business, holding down a full time job.  (At this point, I look up up, and half the members are standing up...giving me a standing ovation.  Which was so sweet.  Once I saw them and smiled, they started applauding. My leader brought me a tissue.)

3.  What did I accomplish once I started believing success was possible? Again, I'm not seeing the big successes on the weight loss front. But staying on plan has definitely made me feel more in control.  it's definitely curbed the mindless eating.  I am more balanced in the way I am eating.  I'm getting a grip on the emotional eating as well.

4.  How do you keep nurturing that belief so that it stays strong?  Life is short.  I have this image that I keep in my head a lot.  When I was at y heaviest weight, I went in for a stress test.  i did the treadmill and then I got the chance to see my heart on the screen, pumping, with all the infrared colors.  That was my ah-ha moment.  I remember being very emotional thinking that I was looking at my heart...this amazing organ that has been pumping to keep me alive since the day I was born.  And I was thinking about all the abuse I had put it through, through all the mindless eating, fast food, high fat, no exercise...stuff that wasn't good for me.  I keep that image close to me.  

I am on this journey.  The goal is to be healthy.  I know what I need to do.  I need to track, stay on plan to the best of my ability.  I need to move.  But above all else, I need to be honest and take responsibility.  If I can do my best, if I can track and truly know in my heart that I did the best that I could, then I can call that a success.

For me, I wish I could just drop the pounds.  But it's not what my body is doing.  y body has it's own individual agenda.  As much as I wish I could measure my success by the scale, my success has to have a different measure.  It has to be measured in knowing that I am eating right, that I am well for now, that I am being honest, accountable and doing the est that I can on the road to being healthy.

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What are your thoughts on success?  How do you measure your success?  I'd love to hear from you. 

xoxo

Checking In: Week 7 - Activity

Ta-Da!  Lost a full pound this week!
8 pounds in 7 weeks total!

We're at week 7 of following the Weight Watcher's points plus plan.  This week, I had a lot of fun with my ActiveLink monitor.  It's addicting.  It kept me pushing myself throughout the week.  Walking to and from the bus stop is gets the monitor to about 23% of my daily activity each way....so if I did only that, I'd be close to hitting 50%.  But it takes into consideration your walking around, daily activity, etc.  So I've been upping that.  Instead of getting up from my desk and walking straight to the kitchen or bathroom, I've been taking the "scenic route" and walking all the way around the office floor (we occupy the entire floor).  I've seen people I never see on that side.  And yes, you say, but that takes a lot of time.  The way I think of it is that if I were a smoker, I'd be able to take a couple breaks throughout the day at 15 minutes a pop, so why not a walk around break?  I've also being doing push ups using the counter at work in the bathroom (when no one is there...sshhhh!)  I'll do a quick ten before heading back to my desk.  My friend that I'm doing the program with, says that all if this sounds like extra pressure to her, (says the girl who loses weight like crazy, right!), but everyone is different....and for me, I'm going to need the activity to get the weight off and keep it off.

One of the fun things that we got back into doing, because of all this activity stuff, is the WiiFit.  We had bought the system a couple year's back when my daughter was at home.  And we did it for a while.  Well, Friday evening, I was still only at 75% of my daily total...so I asked Neddy if he'd be up for a challenge.  We had a lot of fun playing all the WiiFit sports together.  We were hoolahooping imaginary hoops, dodging soccer balls, pandas and shoes, and skiing down hills.  A fun way to get off the couch.

So even though it wasn't anywhere near going to the gym and doing intense work out, it was just about upping my daily activity and getting more active.  Moving. The challenge on the activelink this week and last was to earn 2 activity points a day...and I met that goal with 16 points last week, and I'm good so far for this week.

Oh, and on a different note, I have some great recipes coming this week: Golden beet salad with fresh ginger dressing and  Vospov Kufte (Armenian Red Lentil Kufte).  I just need the time to post them.  Hopefully tonight!

Yesterday was weigh in, and guess what?  I actually lost one FULL Pound this time.  Another 1. pound closer to my goal.  Grand total:  8 pounds in 7 weeks!!   Yay!
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Today is Thursday, and the day I read my weekly blog entry on ePostle's weekly podcast, the Next Step with Father Vazken.  I'm doing a weekly reading from my other blog - This week's topic "The Journey Continues" -  www.pomegranateandeye.blogspot.com  Take a look, or a listen!

     
Here's the Wii fit bundle.   And the console.  It may seem costly for "games" but there are other programs that go with it that you can use to up your activity.  I do have the Just Dance disks which are really fun, and the Zumba as well.  It's good for someone like me that doesn't have time to get to the gym.

Week 6: There's No Comparison!

Ta-Da, another .8 pounds down
Week 6 total lost: 7 pounds

There's something that needs addressing - WITH MYSELF - about this whole thing about weight loss, getting healthy.  And that "something" has to do with comparisons.  When I first started this journey 6 weeks ago, you heard me.  I was all gung ho about embracing every ounce, and sticking with it and blah, blah, blah.   I'm not throwing in the towel by any means.  I'm still in it for the long haul - BUT - would it be so hard if the scale dropped a whole pound instead of ounces?  Really?  This week's weigh in brought me .8 (that's 8/10th's) of a pound closer to my goal.  Okay that ALMOST a whole pound, but not quite.  Still, it's a movement in the right direction, and I am grateful, don't get me wrong.  But still......

Okay, here's the big picture.  The truth of the matter is that doing this with friends is great (i.e. great to have a buddy to share the journey with), but on the other hand, I'm constantly comparing my loss with hers.  She started a week after me and has already lost 13 pounds!  I am at 7 pounds in 6 weeks.  She is not exercising nor active.  I, on the other hand, have been doing my ActiveLink challenge since I got it and always pushing myself to reach 100% of my activity goal.  We both track.  We both drink our water.  So how come the scale is moving for her and not as much for me???  (Can you hear me whining?)

This goes back to something I taught my daughter when she was but a baby birdy in the nest.  "LIFE IS NOT FAIR!"  That's it in a nutshell.  But stepping back to the bigger picture in hand is the reality.  Why should we compare ourselves to one another?  Not just in weight loss but in everything?  God has created us uniquely.  Different bodies, different metabolisms, different strengths and weaknesses.  When I think of it this way, it seems silly to compare.  I am who I am.  And I am good as I am...I just want to be better.

When it comes to my friend, the reality is that she is younger than me (faster metabolism).  She is a totally different build than I am...she's a head taller than me and a muscular build.  I've had endless surgeries (cancer(3x thank you) gallbladder, salpingo-oophorectomy (look that one up) and have had more things removed from my body than have been left in (or so it feels sometimes).  So OF COURSE my body is going to react differently than hers, right?  

I have to say that another thing that's  helped me put this in perspective is the WW site and my eTools.  Because I've been tracking my intake and my weight, it produces progress reports for me.  And when you look at the big picture, I have been averaging a 1.2 pounds loss per week.  So all those 10ths are adding up.  And 7 pounds in 6 weeks is pretty good.

So I am plugging right along!  It's lunchtime and I have already hit 50% of my activity level for the day.  I am walking home from the bus stop this afternoon with Farmer's Market groceries in tow...that ought to give me a few extra calories burnt.  And this weekend, I'm hoping to do either a hike, or digging up the garden.  We'll see.

I hope you are all having a great week.  I'd love to hear from you. Let me know what's working for you, and what isn't.

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Check this out right here.  It's called a Weight Watchers Body Analysis Scale.  I have never seen it, nor is this something they weigh you on at a WW meeting, but it looks like it measures all sorts of things from your weight, body mass, fat, bone, etc.  Who knew?  I'd want to know that info...but I don't think I'd want to know if every time I hopped on the scale.  I'm already obsessed with the numbers as it is  : )

Checking In: Week 4 - Achieving My First Mini Goal

Ta-Da!  At 4 weeks, I reached my
first mini goal of 5 pounds and change!

At my four week weigh in, I reached my first little mini-goal, the 5 pound mark!  This week I lost 1.8 pounds! bringing my total weight loss to 5.6 pounds.  I tracked my food intake and tried to drink more water, cutting my coffee intake down to 1-2 cups a day.  The rest of the day I drank water and herbal tea.  I noticed a bigger change though.  I am actually happy with a 5 pound weight loss in 4 weeks.  In the past, I would have poo-poo'ed the slow loss.  But this time around, I've been watching the scale slowly and consistently move down an ounce at a time.  I am accepting of the fact that at this time in my life, my body is healthy after having been through a lot of trauma (cancer) and that's what the goal is.  To be healthy.  I am not seeing the weight fluctuation of 2-4 pounds a day that I used to see when I was doing severe dieting.

I am trying something new and I'm excited to see how it's going to work.  Weight Watchers came out with a new little gadget called ActiveLink. it's a small little thingee that you wear on your body, either in your pocket, around your neck or clipped to your bra.  I bought it 5 days ago.  For the first week, you must just wear it as it is establishing your level of "normal" activity.  This week, all I am doing is wearing it and plugging it into the computer to charge.  After a week, it will generate a report of my activity levels - and the it will make weekly challenges to help me increase my activity levels!  I'm not sure how it all works right now, but I'm ready for this preliminary week to be over and to give this a shot!  I'll let you know how it's working!

I hope you're all having a great week.  I'd love to hear from you.

Checking In: Getting Healthy One Ounce at a Time

Ta-Da!  Week 3 brings me a little
closer to my goal with a .8 pound loss

I realized that I reached the end of the work week and I never checked in.  So here I am.  I went to my weekly meeting with all these high hopes for a good weight loss, but alas, the scale went down only .8 ounces.  A half a pound.  Hey, at least it's movement in the right direction!  But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little disappointed.  I have been tracking my intake, staying within my allotted points and trying to get "some" exercise by walking - but, I also have to be honest.  I did manage to lose a half pound while still having a normal life: "normal" meaning that I wasn't on some freaky fad diet.  I did enjoy going to happy hour with friends, I did cook for my family and enjoy eating the same food that they did (just not in large portions).  So I'm on the right track.  It's a lifestyle change.

But just to pump myself up a bit, I started thinking of all the times that I had started Weight Watchers in the past, and then got discouraged because I lost .4 ounces here, and .2 ounces there...and then "just 1 pound"...and then stay the same, and then .2 ounces.  Okay, well, y'know, if I'd have just stuck with it, I would have been at my ideal weight, right?  And so let's say that I continued to lose .8 ounces a week.  That would be a loss of 26 pounds in a year.  So you say, a whole year, to lose just 26 pounds?  Excuse me?  JUST 26 pound?  Losing 26 pounds without killing myself doing it would be pretty awesome.  And hopefully there will be weeks where I lose more :::HOPEFULLY:::  So anyways, you get the idea.  I'm keeping the bigger picture in mind.  This is not a race. This is my life here...my beautiful life that I intend to enjoy!

And.....I have lost now, a total of 4.2 pounds in 3 weeks.  YAY!!  Hopefully this week I will lose another .8 and hit 5 pounds in a month! (5 pounds in a month is 60 pounds in a year!) Wait, did I just say that?  (hoping for a .8 pound loss...hmmm, I must be learning something!)

I will get there!  Even if it's one ounce at a time!

The Never-Ending Journey

If you'd ever struggled with your weight, then you know where I'm coming from with the title of my post, right?  I have struggled with my weight my whole life.  I was a chubby little girl.  Throughout my life I must have tried every diet out there.  From full on fasting for weeks on end drinking nothing but tea, to cabbage soup, protein diets, and fruit diets.  You name it, I've tried it.  And they've all worked!!  Yep!  They've all worked, but they're not diets that are livable.  And so eventually, as time goes on and you get sick of eating only oatmeal or hard boiled eggs...the weight slowly creeps back on.  And that's what's been happening to me.

My kitty Zelda and Me

I have been heavier than I am now.  And I have been thinner than I am now.  Two years ago, I embarked on a giant weight loss journey...and then right in the middle of it, I got hit...hard.  I had emergency gall bladder surgery, and then two months later, I was diagnosed with colon cancer and had surgery.  And then the day I got back to work after six weeks of medical leave, I got diagnosed with breast cancer (my second time...first time was 19 years ago).  I had to have a mastectomy and reconstruction.    Okay, three surgeries in less than 6 months.  And just like those infomercials, I'll add the famous tag line, "But wait!  There's more!"  After cancer, I started feeling better (that's when I was at my thinnest).  Then the following year, we planned my daughter's wedding and trained to walk in the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer.  It was crazy busy.  And then suddenly, it was all over.  We had the most beautiful wedding ever.  She moved out of our home and off to her honeymoon and settled into her new home.  And suddenly our home was empty.  And all the craziness subsided.  And I was faced with "The Empty Nest".

As happy as I was for my daughter and my new son-in-law (and truly, I am very happy), it was a huge change.  We are very close, and having her not around was...well....sad.  And an adjustment.  Enter emotional eating.  And factor in that the Avon walk and all the training was over...and there they came.  The pounds.  Again.    

Back in November, I changed my diet and became a vegetarian.  I decided to live this lifestyle because I wanted to live a more "peace" full life.  I didn't want something to die in order for me to live...not with all the great choices that we have.  Learning to balance my protein and carbs has been another challenge, and so last week, I decided that I was going to go back to Weight Watchers.  And here I am.

This blog is going to be about my journey on my lifestyle change.  Diet, exercise, motivation, vegetarian recipes, points values, and emotional eating.  It's my way of staying accountable to myself, and to you.  I look forward to sharing my journey with you.  Together we can help each other.