Saturday, September 14, 2013
Thoughts on Success
I thought about success all week. I was on the Avon Walk. I felt that was a success. I mean how many of my friends can walk 39.3 miles in 2 days? I thought about the fact that I was walking with my brother, and my sister-in-law by my side...and my sister and my husband were working on crew. I had success in my family because we all loved one another. We have close relationships. I thought of my past history with breast and colon cancer....I was walking and I am healthy. I'm successful in that way. So all was good.
Last Wednesday, I went to my WW meeting ready to speak. I had answered my questions and was ready. But at weigh in, I got on the scale and my weight was up 1.8 pounds. Really??? I mean after walking over 40 miles this past weekend. After all the training. I was even careful not to eat too much junk always asking myself through the weekend, "Is it worth it?" Not only that, but I hadn't been feeling well since Saturday evening and had only eaten a little soup and crackers for the past several days. And a weight gain??? And then to add salt to the wound, my friend who started the same week as I did back in February, hit her 40 pounds lost...and I just felt so low and defeated. I have worked so hard to track my food, drink my water, stay active, eat healthy. And now I'm supposed to get up and speak about success?
So our leader gets up and introduces the new topic. And she invited me up to speak. I wanted to share with you my thoughts on Success:
1. How did you feel before you joined WW? I had lost a lot of weight in the past. I used to weigh 60 pounds more than I do now. But I have been 20 pounds less than I am now as well. Being that I have always been an emotional eater, when my daughter got married last year, and then after that, dealing with my empty nest, my weight started coming back on. I was feeling really out of control. I thought that I had to do something. And that "something" always ends up being WW because the plan is a lifestyle change. It's healthy, and it fits in well with my life. So I re-joined...again...with my friend.
2. What helped you believe you could succeed? Believing in success in one thing. Believing in fighting for what I want is another. I am a fighter. I am a 3 X cancer survivor. I'm all about determination and believing. This past weekend I walked 39.3 miles in the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer in Santa Barbara. Training for that walk was all about giving up Saturdays for 12-15 mile walks. And I made it all 39 miles. But despite all the training, despite the 39 miles, the scale is not moving. I have been plateauing for over 4 months. And it's very difficult to sit here week after week and hear about all your successes when I'm working so hard for mine...and nothing's happening. (At this point, I lost it and started crying...so embarassing...but it was just all coming out. I went on.) So when Sandy asked me to speak today about my success, I asked her, "What success? I'm not a success." (Then I really start blubbering...and my nose is running...I feel stupid. I'm standing up there, and I'm looking at my paper. And I keep reading ). But there are other sucesses that are important too. And I guess that's what it's about. I'm like the Little Engine That Could. I keep saying, "I think I can, I think I can." It's not easy. I have a lot of stresses in my life. Dealing with cancer, follow ups and check ups, family, taking care of my mom, running a homeless outreach, trying to build my own business, holding down a full time job. (At this point, I look up up, and half the members are standing up...giving me a standing ovation. Which was so sweet. Once I saw them and smiled, they started applauding. My leader brought me a tissue.)
3. What did I accomplish once I started believing success was possible? Again, I'm not seeing the big successes on the weight loss front. But staying on plan has definitely made me feel more in control. it's definitely curbed the mindless eating. I am more balanced in the way I am eating. I'm getting a grip on the emotional eating as well.
4. How do you keep nurturing that belief so that it stays strong? Life is short. I have this image that I keep in my head a lot. When I was at y heaviest weight, I went in for a stress test. i did the treadmill and then I got the chance to see my heart on the screen, pumping, with all the infrared colors. That was my ah-ha moment. I remember being very emotional thinking that I was looking at my heart...this amazing organ that has been pumping to keep me alive since the day I was born. And I was thinking about all the abuse I had put it through, through all the mindless eating, fast food, high fat, no exercise...stuff that wasn't good for me. I keep that image close to me.
I am on this journey. The goal is to be healthy. I know what I need to do. I need to track, stay on plan to the best of my ability. I need to move. But above all else, I need to be honest and take responsibility. If I can do my best, if I can track and truly know in my heart that I did the best that I could, then I can call that a success.
For me, I wish I could just drop the pounds. But it's not what my body is doing. y body has it's own individual agenda. As much as I wish I could measure my success by the scale, my success has to have a different measure. It has to be measured in knowing that I am eating right, that I am well for now, that I am being honest, accountable and doing the est that I can on the road to being healthy.
What are your thoughts on success? How do you measure your success? I'd love to hear from you.